~How Do You Mend A Broken Heart and Why I Hate Facebook~

This is quite a personal post for me. I have no idea how to get over the hurt that I've had for the past few years. I'm hoping if I write this down, maybe it will help, at least a little!

I was nine when my Mom met my adoptive father. {I grew up without really knowing my real father, so I never really had a father figure.}

When I was 16, my Mom and adoptive father finally married. During the years before the marriage, my dad and I didn't really see eye to eye. You see, he already had a daughter from his previous marriage, she was his princess, and there just wasn't any room for an extra kid. I always felt like the only reason he put up with me was because of my mom. Anyway, after years of hardships between the two of us, we finally became close my junior of high school. I loved him so much, he was the only father I had ever known. He adopted me when I was 18, I know it took a while, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me at that point. I finally had a family, a mother and a father.

I got married when I was 19 and ended up keeping his name and adding my husbands name as well.

In about 2002, my parents split up but remained really good friends.

I never thought my parents would ever separate, they loved each other so much, but I guess their lives started to branch off in different directions.

We all remained close and I still talked to my Dad almost everyday. A few years later, my dad met another women, and once this happened, he started seeing me and calling me less and less. I had just had my second son, and he hardly even came around to see him or my oldest. I was hurt, but understood that he was busy building a new relationship and needed some time. He told me once on the phone that this was his "selfish time", he had given all his life and now it was time for him to be happy. I waited to be introduced to his new lady, but was never allowed to meet her. Whether she didn't want to meet me or my dad just didn't want me to meet her, I have never known, all I know is his first daughter was included in his new life but I was being cut out. I tried to talk to him about how hurt I was, but he never said "I'm sorry", he just went on like I didn't matter. It has now been 2 years since I've seen him. I've talked to him twice on the phone and have received 3 e-mails in these past 2 years. I found out in November that he married the woman he had been seeing. The only reason I found out about his marriage was from his Facebook page.When I found out, I sent him an e-mail congratulating him. One day in December last year, I checked my  shop and saw that I sold 3 necklaces, I was so excited. When I looked at who purchased them, I was surprised to see that it was my Dad. I sent him a note telling him thank-you and asking him where he wanted me to ship the items, {he has never told me where he is living and he changed his cell phone number so I couldn't call him}.

He told me he just wanted to give me money for my Christmas and to enjoy it.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the gift, but I would much rather have him in my life then money or gifts! It was weird that he did this considering I hadn't gotten even so much as a Christmas or birthday card for the past couple of years. After that, I haven't heard from him since. I've tried to contact him to see how he's doing, but I never get a response. 

I was just on Facebook and looked him up and saw photos from his wedding and of him and his first daughter having the father -daughter dance. And, she was part of the bridal party. This just killed me. Obviously I knew she would be there, but it's like I was never apart of his life. My heart feels like it's been ripped from my chest. Yes, I am a grown woman, but this hurts tremendously!  I have good days and I have bad days, how can I mend this broken heart? Will it ever get better?

You know what else just kills me? No one will probably ever find me to tell me when he passes away. I will never be able to see my father ever again, or hug him, or hear him tell me that he loves me and that breaks my heart all over again!